Protect Serve Bang Bang in South Park The Fractured But Whole – Episode 30
He woke up. Oh my god. Oh, and he passes back out again. That is so weird. Alright, I guess enough of that. Um. So what are we doing? “Anything else you get is a privilege.” We came in from here, right?
No, this is his prison. Oh wait, we came in from here? Ok. I guess you came in from here then. Yea… Puke? I didn’t show mercy though. So I think you might be mistaken
there, Captain Diabetes. Eww, what? You are so correct, Super Craig.
What are we doing? We’re hacking, right? Oh right, we got this password
already. We’re not — What? Protect, serve, bang bang. This is a tight elevator ride, guys. Hey guys, just calm down. Also, was Black Lives Matter
that long ago? Isn’t this game a couple years old? What do you mean, dude?! Forensic. Why are there robes here? And it’s locked. That camera’s
still working there. Guys, why’re we in the morgue? What the hell? Caring for your elder god. Be sure to clean and drain pools
and tanks at least once a month. Old blood can clog systems. Ok does this stuff actually matter?
Do I need to read this? B-D-B-M-G-I-E. Is that a password? Eugenics book club read, The Horror at Red Hook. K, don’t know what that’s about. Eww. What the hell? They’re all gonna be zombies or some crap. Wow, that’s so… great. Forensics room key. Isn’t this the room I’m in? Dude, there’s just only black people here. Those stupid racist cops. I can’t go through here, goddammit. Well, that was a horror experience and a half. Yea, I found it. I… What? I thought that was
the key. Didn’t I get a key? Oh wait, it said forensics, so it’s here. Um. Who is it? Oh, is this the the cop chief? It’s like so obviously a person
making a cat sound. Yea, turn the lights on, dude. Yea, that sounds very viscous. Yea, probably. Just don’t let it get to me. Ahh, is that a hint? ‘Cause I would love to do that. Oh, oh, you’re killing yourself. Welp. That takes care of everything, I suppose. But maybe we should leave the room now. What?! [chuckles] The suspense. Well, that was a disappointment. I guess I’ll have to fight you but you know I really wouldn’t mind like some uh battle combat advantages. Again, oh my god. This dude is so incompetant. Oh really? Oh is that where you were? Well, you can stay in there for all I care. Yea, let’s just wait a couple more minutes until the gas kills… no one. Literally why are we just standing here? Awkwardly experiencing someone
die in the next room. Oh geez. Ok it was not the police chief. It was just some rando police officer. Good god. Well… Sucks to be you. Why is everything locked? A freaky ass hand here. What am I doing here? Ventilation failure? Am I supposed to go in there? Well, we’re hacking. It was not me. I was an innocent bystander. I just don’t feel like we
should go in there. It says biohazard and ventilation failure. So. Um, what did that do? Oh, I do have to go in there, don’t I? What? First of all, what am I doing?
Oh there’s a key in there! I see. So I do have to go in there. How utterly messed up. Well, I’m outta there. Although I wonder if there’s
anything on the dead guy. Um. Probably not. Well guys, I did it. I experienced many horrors. Why’s this still locked? I thought I got a key. I got the key, goddammit! What the f*ck? What? W-what? Was that…? Wuh? Huh? The key is still in there, isn’t it? Well that is just fabulous. No idea what I’m doing here. Doesn’t even make sense.
Like why would they lock that random volve. Valve. Uh, there’s blood. Ok. So I froze time to go in there to get a key to unlock that to suck all the poison out. And for what? What am I here for? Literally what was the point
of all this? Wait, this is shiny. What? What, what? What is that?! Maybe open it? Ok, I guess this is the secret entrance. To who knows what. Wow. That was where the key was. The puzzles in this game
are seriously so ridiculous. Like the puzzles are fine but
it’s that they make no sense. Well, too late. [laughs] Too late Towelie, too late! Oh geez, the hell they doing?
They’re sacrificing them. All of a sudden, it’s a fricking cult. Well Token, aren’t you glad we got your dad outta there? Yea, kind of. That is like dangerously close to a slur. Y-yea. Like very, I’m pretty sure. Oh you’re here? Yea, I know they’re cray. [laughs] I mean, I don’t wanna battle but you could sacrifice yourself to the elder
gods. You know I’m totally cool with that. Should I make changes? I could
use like everybody now, right? ‘Cause we’re all here. Although I don’t know who I wanna use. Um, I wish I could see the battlefield before starting… Can you see
the battlefield? I don’t think so. ‘Cause that would really help
you decide who you wanna use. ‘Cause right now it’s just like I guess I’m choosing based on abilities. Who do I wanna use? I wonder if I should even get healers anymore
‘cause I’m kinda the healer now. So should I just choose like pure brute force? I mean no one’s really… Well, I don’t know. Should
I get Captain Diabetes? Hold up. I should get… I should still get Human Kite right?
‘Cause he has the fricking laser. That is so good. Although I kinda wanna keep Mysterion. Ugh, decisions man. It’s fine, we’re just fighting some
kind of weird elder god ok. We will be totally fine. He’s still taking cat drugs on the sidelines. Seriously? Oh no. You’re — Oh geez! Get outta there, girl! She saved herself. We don’t
even need to come here. White meat. Eww, are those eggs? Wow, that is some kind of octopus monstrosity. “We need to move.” Well too bad ‘cause Token’s not… What, what? Oh. Token’s not in this battle, so we’re gonna feed
you to them. Oh no, we’re in the danger zone! Hold up, can I cancel that? Um. Let’s just cancel it ‘cause the time, like the real time… The real timer is like going,
or whatever the heck. Oh no. That’s a very far range. How will I even like throw them in there? Oops. F*ck. Keep doing that by accident. Oh no, you’re not gonna get outta there unless. Hell yea. Haha. Mightiest Kite. Um. Well Earth’s Mightiest Kite, you can’t do jack. Let’s just skip your turn. Trying to get outta here. Although now we can’t attack. Can I do… How about from here? Does this… Nope, this. Wait, this one? Which one moves? None of them move, do you?
Oh let’s just get outta here. I’m just gonna… Argh I can’t even think.
Man, I hate those fricking timers. Any time there’s time, it’s like
you just go into panic mode. Your brain doesn’t even work anymore. Yea, and that dude’s gonna get eaten. Oh well. Ok. Uh what? Oh no. Ok… I guess that’s fine. I’mma kill that
egg ‘cause I don’t trust that. Oh no, it explodes? Well, nobody told me that. Wait. It just pushes them. Doesn’t really hurt all that much. Interesting. How very interesting. Although that thing still has health. Wait. Oh maybe if he eats them, it hurts them. [laughs] ‘Cause he doesn’t like
white meat or some crap. Oh. Seriously, I messed it up? Why’s the timing so off, man? Ok, we’re all positioned really
badly for me to push them ok. It’s not working out. How about you bust your own eggs? This is what I mean about
knowing the battle objectives before the battle starts so
I can choose proper people. ‘Cause then I would just choose the people
with like a whole bunch of knockbacks. I didn’t know this was gonna happen. Now it’s all ruined. Yea well, I’m trying to bust their butts over. God I can’t hit this dude ‘cause
he’s just in the worst spot. [laughs] You got hit vertically. I don’t stand here though. Goddammit, but I can’t do anything else.
Although, does anyone need healing? Not really, I mean. I don’t know, I don’t really see
any point in ultim(ate)-ing them. Ultimiting, I can’t even f*cking… Maybe I can just attack the dude, I don’t know. Oh my god, shut up dude. I don’t wanna stand here though. Argh! I don’t know, I guess I’ll just do this. Yea, can you push him… …further? Nothing pushes. Son of a gun. Ugh. It’s really terrible. Can I pull you through my own teammates? [laughs] Sure, it works. Yea, not gonna happen ok. I can’t push you, but I’m not
gonna let you attack me neither. Goddammit, I can’t push him! Maybe I should just heal. I mean, barely. For the love of god, can we
please push this dude? I’ll push you down, I guess.
I don’t know what else I can do. Uh, did you? Welp, I guess the elder god is just gonna starve to death ‘cause I can’t push anybody there. I wish they come in on the red
parts, so I can just push them. Does this push? Nope, nothing pushes. So great. And I can’t stand on the other side. Goddammit, dude. I chose like all the wrong
people for this, basically. How about you make some
more eggs on like this side? No, I really don’t. Hmm. I feel like I can only kill them at this
point. None of my stuff pushes. Can I restart this battle and
just choose other people? ‘Cause… Otherwise I’d just go up and attack the
dude ‘cause there’s nothing else I can do. Eat ‘em! EAT ‘EM. Oh great, now he walked back. Thanks a fricking lot. I’m trying, I’m trying. I swear to god. Let me destroy the egg so
maybe it makes some more. Your time but you don’t do jack. Can you eat like dead white meat? How about this? Maybe if we keep
advancing forward and then they come in they can’t stand there ‘cause
we’re standing on that ground. It could work, maybe. Duty calls. Uh, this isn’t gonna knockback… Actually there’s something
blocking me there. What? It’s not gonna knockback the
way I want it to knockback. Son of a gun. I wish I could just fricking… Can I just attack the thing? It doesn’t work. Goddammit. Calm down. Just let him be excited for stuff. I’m so stuck in this battle, god. I’m so annoyed. I could kill them, but I need them
to f*cking to go in the… ugh. Just stop it dude. I’m so sick of these guys! Yea, you don’t get to go, except
if you wanna go the other way. I don’t wanna stand here,
I’m gonna get eaten though. Son of a gun. This is some bs, I tell you, some bs. And I can’t punch that thing. I’m just gonna stand here. I gotta kill this dude and make him send in more or something. God those a-holes, man. Just… Just fricking stand on that thing. Ah, pressed it wrong. Captain Diabetes is the only
one that can knock them back but they’re all standing in the wrong position! Assholes! Third degree burn! I really wish you could knockback. But you can’t. Ah I messed it up again. Why am I messing up all the timings? He loves death ok. I would love death too for these guys. If they would just fricking walk backwards into death. Spars? He… will remember that. Ugh and I should remember to have him stand in the right position
‘cause this ain’t working out. I wish this knocks you back too. Son of a gun. If we just keep walking forward, will they you know be walking more
back? I don’t know, man. Go backwards, you a-hole. Alright, the new people come in.
They gotta stand in the red parts, right? There’s no room for them to stand. Oh finally, one of them. Oh my god. This is the most painful thing ever. EAT ‘EM. Hell have no fury. I’m just killing so many racist cops ‘cause I can’t knock ‘em into the fricking zone. Yea, I don’t know what you can do. Just stay here, I suppose. Eat ‘em! [sighs] Finally. That was the most painful thing to ever do. We could have been over with this battle like already. ‘Cause I knocked out so many of them
but I just couldn’t get them — Oh god. It’s big again. What the hell? Oh my god, this is gonna
be the most painful battle ever. The what? Oh, you’re joining the battle now? You crazy buffoon. Nope, not gonna happen. Skip it. Let’s get this over with. Most painful battle ever. Oh that’s true, my ultimate’s ready. It’s been ready. Just because I couldn’t do jack. Human Kite, why can’t you
get outta the danger zone? You’re gonna die so bad. Fricking hell, I just keep messing up today. I don’t know what’s happening. Timing is just off. Oh no. Oh no! This is the most annoying battle ever. What can I even do? I wanna heal us actually. I’ll try to heal Human Kite once he gets outta the danger zone or whatever. Oh frack, I didn’t get out of it! Bitch! I’m really gonna need that fricking rez as of right now. Holy bejesus. Most irritating battle ever. Um. Well, should I revive? Or should I just get the ultimate up? Ooh, if I can pop like both of those. Maybe I can knock them back. But I… don’t really — Well, hmm. I guess I can do this. It’s a sacrifice I’m prepared to make. I hope it knocks them back. I don’t know
how it works. I don’t think it will though. It’s gonna knock me back. Yea, that didn’t do sh*t. Just get the ultimate up
and I can heal everybody. Did you just whack his body? What, did you, did you eat ‘em? Oh dear lord. I think he ate his dead body. Can I still rez him? Ugh you gotta be kidding me. We just
keep walking more and more back. This battle is so dumb! It’s not even hard, it’s just…
It’s not working… Oh my god. Ok, excuse me. Excuse me, you assholes. Oh no, don’t. I need my turn to… Don’t kill me, I need to rez! Ok, can I rez please? Argh, it’s only… He’s off the fricking battlefield, I can’t do it. Well that blows. Ugh, what am I supposed to do?
He ate one of my… my dudes. My dudes. It’s already awkward. Uh, every turn blows. I’m not gonna purposefully try to die but if I die,
I gotta pick better team members for this. ‘Cause these do not work. We’re all just gonna get eaten at this point. You can’t even walk outta it. Ok, I’m gonna heal. I’ll still die, but I’m gonne heal. Oh boy. Wish you ate ‘em instead of beating our ass but sure. Can you spit out his dead
body so I can revive him? Really… Oh wait, he’s back. ‘Cause his dead body wasn’t there. So I don’t know what happened. Yea, sh*t dude ok. Just rez me ok. Revive serum. Right there. I hope it works somehow. We’re kinda occupying the same spot. Oh dear, I probably should have maximum revive. Son of a gun. Whatever, I’ll just take a little quesadilla. I think. Your protect is saving you. Yea, walk there. Get eaten, dude. I’m gonna… I’m gonna try to revive that other dude. I should probably use this for healing later. After I revive him of course. On your feet. Macaroni time. I kinda do need to ultimate a couple
of them so they just get outta here. I wish there was one that just
pushes them all the way back. I don’t really wanna use your
thing ‘cause it kills you. So I’ll have to do something else. Uh, somethin’ somethin’ else. Well, this is very unhelpful. I’mma about to get blasted again. Making only bad decisions in this battle. Oh did I miss it? Son of a gun. Can you push that guy back at least? Oh, it’s gonna push Kyle back though. Son of a fricking… Oh my god. Can I cancel that thing’s turn?
I don’t know if that’s a thing. Can I? I’mma cancel it. I would love to get that guy killed but I just revived Human Kite so we’re
not gonna let that happen, alright. You could eat that — Oh god, why we
keep walking back? This is so annoying. I’m trying! How about you do something in battle for once. I’m just surrounded by goddamn cult members and they keep pushing us to their creepy ass elder god. If we make it outta this alive, good god. Protection? Yout want protection? I mean. It doesn’t really matter at this point. Let’s just get protected. Getting bashed on all sides. Let me get outta this fricking corner. Worst. Place. Ever. I mean at the thing is almost dead
but god, this is a terrible spot to be in. Oh wait, sh*t. I should not have done that. Frick! I should not have done that. Oh my god, can I get outta this battle please? I can’t… Do we need to heal? I can’t get outta this battle guys. Well you know I’m gonna die so. Just somebody revive me later. Oh no. There’s too many of them! For the love of christ! Oh no. I got eaten. It’s hilarious. It still hurts them when they eat our characters. ‘Cause my character’s not white ok! I’m not white meat. Oh geez! Holy crap. Alright, that was a stupid way to go. I think I gotta go back and
change how we do this battle. [chuckles] And I agree. I’m hoping you guys are the
punchy types to help me knock all of them back. Oh Craig, it’s been a hot
second since I last used you. Ooh should I have cancel that? I don’t
want you to be pushed that far back. Even though you are a speedster, you could you know, bounce back but let’s not give them the chance to do that. Scrap with the Cap. Mach speed. Swap. I wish you could swap
the enemy. That’d be so good. Strike from a range. Yea, that doesn’t help me. I guess I should just do this, so I get invisibility. Or whatevsies. I don’t know. Wow, you really don’t see him anymore. Ok, can I push you back like this? I specifically got this move
‘cause it says it knocks back. Sweet! This is the move that’s
gonna win the battle for us. Uh, you know, as soon as I can get outta here. Can you run through them? Um. I can’t tell. I think that runs through them. Uh, hopefully. Alright, sweet. Oh great, you’re still standing in it? Well that’s just fricking great. Oh Captain Diabetes. You’re gonna die. Kick his ass. Or kick him back.
Ok you didn’t kick him back. I was hoping you’d knock
my own dude back. Well. Guess you’re gonna die, Captain Diabetes. Ooh, that hurts. You’re gonna find… Well I guess you could… Oh my god. Oh I thought…
I was like where are they going ok. I will revive you. I need more max revives but I don’t think I can make those. At least, from what I remember. Yea. Um, so. Yea, I don’t think protection’s enough.
I think you need to heal.
Although I could heal you. Hmm. No, I think you should just heal yourself. Where’s the… Yea, this thing. You heal yourself and then I’ll try
to keep knocking them back. Heh. “Ok, better.” Yea, a little bit. Um. Can I… Yea, that would optimal I think. Just knock ‘em all back please. Hopefully that — that won’t hit them actually. I was gonna say hopefully that knocks
them even more back but nope. Not close enough or good enough, I guess. They’re so pissed at the eggs getting popped. Uh, why’s that one all lit up? I don’t know what that means. Let’s try to knock you back even further. Get outta here. Get eaten. Eat both of them. They’re so tasty. Just wasting — Just waiting. Yea, that’s two. That better be… Womp womp. Nice. See, I could have done this so well if I just knew what this battle entailed. Them and their stupid flashbangs that pushes us towards the monstrosity. I’m trying dude, I’m really trying. Um. Actually can I do this? Um. So it makes you walk toward the danger zone. Although I am very much like stuck here now. Saves you a punch? No, you’re
still gonna have to punch them. Ah, too bad I can’t walk further. Can I… Does it still work? I feel like normally this move would be like completely useless but for this battle it’s pretty good. Does this walk through? No, this one does. Oh wait, it doesn’t. Frick! It makes him go back, not me. Might have to cancel a turn
if you don’t get outta there. Diabetes. I’m gonna need Super Craig
to like get outta there please. I think you can heal too, right? Oh but I don’t wanna swap spots. That’s very dangerous. Uh oh, wait. Nope, can’t cancel that. Son of a gun. Well, at least it killed two of them. I just gotta revive you again.
There’s so much dying in this battle. Ooh, should I do the full rez? I guess like eh… I mean I guess it’s worth it. Although
I kinda wanna knock them back. I think I rather knock them back. To be honest. ‘Cause if it eats both of them, the battle’s over. I think, anyway. Is it gonna knock Super
Craig’s dead body back? [laughs] Loser. I think the battle’s over if he eats them, right? But hmm, should I waste an item to revive? Or should I wait for the rez? Hmm, decisions. Think I might wait and hope that the battle’s over.
I’ll just stand over here. I don’t know if this has multiple phases or not. Now die! Ha. See, look at this! So much faster. It was just that the game screwed me over
‘cause I didn’t know what the hell was going on.